I didn’t do a recap last week, but I still have a handful of thoughts to share about last week’s episode before we get to this week’s episode.
LAST WEEK’S SHOW
First. He sent home Corinne. I did not see that coming. Neither did she. She was ROCKING 2 high slits on her dress and she was ready to sail in to the fantasy suite date. And she had on my rabbit fur from 1985. I loved that thing. As Nick was escorting her out, I couldn’t help but think of how he would never know the wonder of the #PV. But I’m excited for all of us, because Corinne and her #PV were MADE FOR PARADISE.
Second. Nick was wearing the most turtlenecky turtleneck I ever did see.
Third. I’m pretty sure Nick was hoping said turtleneck would eat his face right then and there when Raven told him that she’d never had a “happy ending”. #sorrydad #sorryamerica
UM. I think this is what people call “TOO MUCH INFORMATION”. Anyway, Nick was somewhere between mortified and giddy. #challengeaccepted
And America was like this…
And Raven’s family was like this.
And Raven’s ex-boyfriend was like this.
I mean, seriously. Kick him while he’s down why don’t ya. First you beat him with a stiletto while he was naked, and now this. This guy will never be able to show his face at the Hoxie Applebee’s ever again.
THIS WEEK’S SHOW
First of all, let’s talk about the fact that the Bachelor franchise is trying to kill us all. It’s the only reasonable explanation for the 3 hours of Bachelor t.v. this week. This is unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!
The show opened up this weekend with Raven letting us know that Nick is, AND I QUOTE, “Really good at what he does.” She flitted around the town making snow angels and petting dogs. The trees were greener, the sky was brighter, the flowers were more fragrant, and the fireworks were more fireworky. #ifyouknowwhatimean The skipping implied that Nick rose to the occasion and that Raven was now fully satisfied. #goodforher #gonick #letsstoptalkingaboutitnow I mean, really.
Next up, Rachel. You know the one that’s the next Bachelorette? Yeah, she’s still there. Well, the two seemed to be falling in love with each other, BUT WE KNOW BETTER. We also know that there must have been a BOGO special at the local Finnish Dollar General, because all the girls have the exact same hat (just in different colors).
Rachel told Nick that he wasn’t like other guys. And Nick responded with, “I might be white, but I’m still a minority.” I’m not sure if this was the best or the worst line of the entire
That night they headed to dinner. And I scratched my head at our resident braniacs choice of attire. Because she was wearing a crop top. IN FINLAND. #shakingmyhead
Nick asked “If you could check your ego at the door, what would your heart say?” And Rachel said “That I’m falling in love with you!” And then she fell into a pile of giggles. And then they made out in front of a roaring fire. And then Nick told her he was falling for her too. And it was all completely believable…EXCEPT THAT WE ALREADY KNOW THE TRUTH. WHERE DID IT GO WRONG, PEOPLE? WHERE? WHAT THE FRICKING FRACK IS GOING ON HERE? The next morning, Nick made her breakfast and Rachel wore a penguin onesie. I felt like that was worth noting.
For Nick and Vanessa’s date, it seemed as if the plan was to give her frost bite and hypothermia, with a touch of pneumonia. Because their “date” was going back and forth between jumping in freezing cold water and then heading to a sauna. Over and over again. Oh, HELL NO. I would have been all PEACE OUT. Case and point: at Carter’s baseball practice last weekend, my back hurt from shivering. And I legit thought that I was going to cry. And it was like high 50s. BUT REALLY WINDY.
This looks a TERRIBLE TIME. But I think we can confirm the Buy One, Get One special at the Piggly Wiggly. Because we are now seeing the 3rd hat.
After the ice bath shenanigans, they headed to the outdoor hot tub. Vanessa said that she thought the most important part in a relationship was the ability to compromise. And she followed that up by saying that she had no plans of compromising her 3 hour lunches ever Sunday afternoon with her family. And you could tell that Nick would rather do the Polar Bear Plunge every Sunday then lunch at Aunt Cindy’s house on the same schedule. Nick shared his concerns that Vanessa’s family was too traditional for him. But I’m not sure he knows what traditional means. Instead, I think he’s just concerned that the family has weekly traditions. Which isn’t the same thing at all. But whatever.
While talking around the fire that night, things got real. Nick said he was proud to be an American, and Vanessa said she was proud to be a Canadian. I don’t see either one of them being willing to move across borders. I was thinking they were pretty much DONESVILLE, but then she told the cameras that Nick was everything she had been searching for. It was here that I started wondering exactly what her criteria was. She said, “I know in my heart that this is it for me. Nick is my other half. The one I know I want to spend the rest of my life with.” Allrighty, then.
TIME FOR THE ROSE CEREMONY
Harrison showed up for like 3 seconds. He said it wasn’t going to be an easy day. Nick agreed. Harrison left. #hegone
The girls were all lined up and it was obviously FREEZING outside. He called Raven’s name. And then he called Vanessa’s name. And y’all. I know we know that Rachel is the next Bachelorette, but I was literally still SHOCKED. I had all but convinced myself that she was final 2. Nick cried, and Rachel kept it classy. Just like any future Bachelorette should. And listen, nobody gets to be sad, because this is not goodbye forever… just goodbye for now. 😉
THE WOMEN TELL ALL
Okay, time for some brutal honesty here. The Women Tell All special was 2 of the least favorite hours of my entire life.
They kicked things off with Harrison and Nick crashing some Bachelor viewing parties. AND Y’ALL. Bachelor Nation is a ZANY group. Take this lady for example. She was screaming “NICK IS IN MY HOUSE!” at the top of her dang lungs. And please notice the life size Nick and poster board in the background (that looked like a Science Fair Project on love).
When we got to the Women Tell All, girls literally talked over each other the entire time, and I kept waiting for Harrison (who typically SHINES at The Women Tell All) to jerk the reigns and get these ladies in line. He did whistle at one point in an effort to get them all to SHUT UP, but no such luck. Harrison did however open up the show by saying “platinum vajeen”, so there’s that.
The girls were introduced, and I found myself scratching my head on a couple of occasions.
Like, WHO IS THIS PAGEANT QUEEN? Seriously. Was she on the show? I have no memory of this one.
Josephine, I think you’re great, but this lip color was an error in judgement.
Liz was the first girl in the hot seat. And I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Liz did the big wiggle with Nick at Jade and Tanner’s wedding. Here’s my takeaway with Liz after seeing her at The Women Tell All. The girl is MUCH MORE than her 1 night stand with Nick (which happened at Jade and Tanner’s wedding….just fyi). She was well spoken, empathetic to other contestants, and it was obvious that all the girls loved her. Apparently she doesn’t just hook up with guys at weddings, she also builds wells in foreign countries. I wish she would lose the nose ring, but I like her. She then waxed on about how it’s not what you do, it’s who you do. Just kidding. She talked about how it’s not what you do, but who you are. The statement was met with thunderous applause from the other ladies. I like you, Liz.
Taylor was up next. She said she was most upset that she’d been shamed for being a mental health counselor. TAYLOR. Nobody shamed you for being a mental health professional. You were being shamed for being a whiny B. Taylor also brought up that she was upset that Corinne called her a “swamp monster”. I’M SO SURE.
Taylor requested an apology from Corinne, and Corinne was all NO M’AM. Nope. #sorrynotsorry
Then it was Corinne’s turn up at the front with Harrison, She started by admitting that she came off more promiscuous than she had planned. What was it that put people over the edge do you think, Corinne? The topless photo shoot? The bouncy house mounting? The whip cream boob? Or Operation #PV? What exactly was it that gave people the wrong idea? 😉 Before we go further with Corinne, I would like to again state that I like the girl. Is she crazy? Yes. Over the top? Yes. Entitled? Yes. But is she real? YES. Corinne is just doing Corinne, and she makes no apologies for it, and I kind of like that.
She then explained Raquel’s “nanny” title to everybody. Corinne shared how her mom had ovarian cancer, was very close to death, and Raquel was like a second mother to her. She said she called her a “nanny” because she was much more than a cleaning lady to her. She said she didn’t want to belittle Raquel with the “cleaning lady” title. I think I understood what Corinne was trying to say…..HOWEVER, I don’t know about y’all, but “cleaning ladies” should be held in the highest regard. We have a service that comes once a month to our house….but we’ve been disappointed lately (swirly scratch on my fridge door – I’m looking at you), so we haven’t had any regular cleanings for several months. A new service came last week, and I quite literally wanted to hug the crew. And I considered not ever showering again in the master shower because I had never seen it so clean. So, anyway….the term “cleaning lady” only musters up feelings of love and respect for me. Am I right, ladies?
Corinne and Taylor continued to argue about NAPGATE 2017. And in my opinion, Taylor was the one that was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more annoying. They went back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. And then back and forth again. And is it me, or does Taylor end everything with a question inflection? Yes? She does, right? What do you guys think? I’m thinking she does?
Taylor apologized, but Corinne was having one of it.
And then this girl talked. To review, this is Whitney.
Kristina’s time in the hot seat was next. Nothing but love for this girl. She talked about her past again, and it was clear that she’s truly an amazing person.
Liz was very touched by Kristina’s words. She gave Kristina lots of love and then brought up how ridiculous it was that they were up on stage arguing about such stupid things as naps. PREACH, Liz.
TIME FOR NICK! Homeboy was nervous. With good reason. These girls were out for blood. But I have to say, I think he held his own. He was kind to each of the ladies, greeted them with a smile, and was able to convey to them that he truly understood what each of them was going through. I found him to be very genuine and likable.
And then it was time for the portion of our show when somebody (that nobody remembers) talked a lot. It happens every dang year. This year it was Danielle. I seriously don’t remember Danielle. She was apparently sent home on a 2:1, and judging by her tears and shattered feelings, they had a connection.
At the very end, Harrison brought out Rachel (the new Bachelorette) and the crowd went wild. And let me say, the other girls ADORE her. Rachel hugged Nick and thanked him for showing her that the process can work.
Well. That was it. 2 hours of my life that I will never get back. But great news, I’ve got another BACK IN STOCK ALERT for y’all! Conner’s 7th WORK WEAR post was on Monday (click HERE if you missed it), and she shared a Casual Friday look with this awesome floral top, jeans, and wedges. Well, the top was sold out on Monday, but I found it from another source! UPDATE: A reader (thanks, Christine) also found it ON SALE AT MACY’S!
Here are some of the other options in this print. Just click on what you are interested in:
I’m also loving THIS top…same cut and maker, different print. It also comes in a couple of black and white combos.
See y’all back here on Friday for Friday Favorites! Oh, and please leave your thoughts on this week’s episode!